A Look Inside My Life

It has been a long time since I have been able to update my blog. Sadly, I have neglected it. I have not dedicated the time to update it. However, so much has happened since my last posting. I turn 22 on Wednesday. It really is crazy how time flies by.

Tonight, I find myself sitting at my computer desk at listening to Casting Crown's new song "Courageous." It really hit me hard in the face. In a way I have lost my desire to be used to break the chains that bind those around me. I have been a youth pastor now for nearly a year and a half. I have found it to be the most taxing and spiritually draining experience, especially since this past summer. At times, I have even neglected my relationship with God. It has been hard for me to spend my own personal quiet time with Him. I have been so occupied with things going on around me, and with that my spiritual life has suffered. I was warned about this before I took the call that God sent my way. There is so much responsibility that comes with this position that God has blessed me with. I have lost that fire, that I had when I began; The messages I have been preaching have not been reflecting how God truly presses in on me. I need to be honest; I am blessed with a great bunch of youth. We have had our ups and downs; the high points and low points. I can honestly say though, that all of us have learned a lot through this though.

I still would like to claim that being a youth pastor has been the greatest experience in my life. I have been able to make an impact in the lives of every youth that has stepped through Ringel Heights Baptist Church. I am not asking for any glory in any of this however, I know where it all goes. I am grateful however, that God chose me to do this. He could have sent the call to a multitude of other people, yet he still chose me. How awesome is that! What a blessing that I had the opportunity to represent Him and His name.

I have a lot of questions to answer and decisions to make within this next semester here at CSU. I know what God's plan for my life. That is the one thing I do know. The question proposed to me though is where is the next step. I am a senior in college. I know I am going to school to be a teacher, and I do not regret that decision. However, I know what God's greater call for my life is. It is just difficult because it is going to require me to step outside of my comfort zone, and to make a life altering decision. I know he is calling me to seminary. I know that. However, to which one and within which denomination? I now know that God can truly use me within whatever denomination or whatever church he calls me too...but my question is....which one? I don't know if anyone reading this will know what I am going through. Let's be honest, I have truly never been rooted in a denomination. I have been all over, Methodist, Baptist, Pentecostal. All of them for extensive periods of my life. I just want to know where He is calling me to be at. It is such a struggle, one that is hard to bare. I just want to be in the will of God. That is all. I have been spending more time in the Word, and I have been praying, but still there has been no answer. I know it will come in his time, I just pray that I will remain patient and receptive to whatever the answer is. Please pray for me, that is the one thing that I am asking you tonight.

Thanks for taking time to read,

Big Ron