A Life of uncertainty

Sometimes I feel as though my life is incomplete. I'm constantly searching for something more. I don't really know if I am satisfied with the jobs I am working. I'm not finding myself overjoyed as I once was when going to them. Then, on days when I feel happy when I go to work, I find that it has been significantly easier for me to get upset by something a student does or says. I desire the feeling of completing a day at work where I feel as though everything went well. I think going back to school could be the best alternative for me. I want to be at a job I love. I thought teaching was it, but apparently it's not. The money is not even the issue. Of course people always want more money, but I am just searching out a job where being happy is the way I leave every day. I have always had an interest in old buildings and history, so possible historical preservation is the thing for me. Who knows though. I have been investigating different majors I may be interested in, but to no such luck yet. Who knows what I will end up doing. I have to do some more investigating. All I know is that I have to make a change somewhere in my life.

Satisfaction not guaranteed

I am not satisfied. Actually I hate where I am in my life. I am surrounded by unreal expectations. I am supposed to give, and give, and not receive anything in return. I want a way out. I want an escape. I am tired out non realistic expectations. I would say I am ready to throw in the towel, but I do not even think I have been given a towel to throw in. In the wrong hands, this blog post will destroy everything I have worked hard to create. Quite honestly, I don't really care though. If I could I would just leave and start over. I have the ability to create whatever life I want to live. Currently I do not know what that would entail. I have been called uncommitted. Told that I make too many excuses. That's a flat out lie. You can not make results out of nothing. Those around me at my church are not committed. when I took the job I felt fresh; I had a fire inside of me. That is not their any more. I have feelings of resentment towards the pastor. He has an idea of a fairy tale world where everything will be perfect in youth ministry. Quite frankly he is blinded because of this. He wants to make everyone happy in the church. News flash, that will not happen. I'm just furious. It is everything in side of me not to blow up over this. This blog is one of the few methods I have of blowing off steam. He accused me of not giving it my all. That's a lie. I sat there while he repeatedly put me down. I left feeling like garbage. Honestly, I am close to resigning. Giving up my dream of being a youth pastor. To me, it's not worth the stress of what I am going through. I have always been a selfless person. But at this moment I feel like doing whats best for me. What's best would be to step away. Step away before I lose any desire to be involved with any church. If he read this, he would be really disappointed in me. He would have something to say. But I would not listen to it. I'm not growing spiritually, and it's because of where I am rooted. Something really has to change, or I am going to just go crazy. It's not worth the money to feel like I am feeling. It is not worth losing who I am, to please an old man. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to anyone who reads this and is offended by it. I honestly never apologize about anything I say on my blog, but I understand that the words I say have strength behind them. I don't want to discourage anyone from being a believer, but no person should feel like this. So I ask you to tread lightly. 

Unrealistic expectations...lead to satisfaction not guaranteed. 

Congress pt 1

Do you ever wonder if the government is actually for the people? It is something that I like to ponder on a great deal. As a government teacher, I teach my students that Congress is elected to represent the will of the people. That as citizens we vote for them, to enact the laws that will best help us. However, if you have been keeping up with what is happening in our country, you will see that congress is doing absolutely nothing. They can't form any since of compromise to accomplish doing any good for the American people. This should upset you. It does not matter whether you are a democrat or republican, or independent. They are getting paid to argue back and forth. Wasting tax dollars, left and right. Does no one else have a problem with this? With issues such as immigration and the border reform, Israeli and Palestinian conflict, as well as the Ukrainian Crisis; nothing is being done at all. Does it not anger you? We need to have representatives who do things that are actually beneficial to our nation. There is no reason someone should be making over 100,000 dollars a year to sit on their butts. American we need to wake up.

Remember, Remember

I wanna talk tonight about one of my favorite movies: V for Vendetta. That's right, "remember, remember, the fifth of November". The movie itself is great. However, I would like to talk about the idea behind it. The idea that "we are told to remember the idea and not the man. Because man can fail. He can be caught, he can be killed, he can be forgotten. But years later, an idea can still change the world." Being the lover of history that I am there is one thing that is constant; ideas can be eternal. "Words will always retain their power" Let's look at particular historical figures such as Abe Lincoln and Martin Luther King Jr. They placed words on a piece of paper. Then, with every fiber of being within them they opened their mouths and spoke into the lives of Americans present and future. Words and ideas. Those have the ability to travel. A simple idea can do more than any physical person can. Without an idea, or without words, humans would be unable to accomplish anything of importance. Words are powerful. With the stroke of a tongue a person has the ability to build someone up or tear something down. Over the next few blogs, I am going to explore ideas. Ideas that keep me up thinking at night. Ideas that cause me to question if I am really doing what I am supposed to do. What if government is not for us? What if it is only there to make us behave, while having an alternative plan? This is what I am going to be exploring. These ideas are dangerous. The idea that people should not be afraid of their government, but the government should be afraid of their people.

Marriage, Social Media, and Possibly a Big Mistake

Marriage. The pentacle of commitment. Surrounding the term marriage are many pressures that annoy me. Some of these pressures come from social media; platforms such as Facebook and Twitter. It is the idea that one must get married as soon as possible, as well as have children. Some people will tell you that life does not truly start until you have a family of your own. I tend to disagree with this statement. Being in a dating relationship for over 3.5 years in college and having it end opened my eyes a great deal. During it, I was blinded by this idea that we had to get married as soon as college was over. We needed a family to seal the deal. The sooner, the better. That relationship caused me to miss out on the development of friendships that I feel like I need today. I passed on a lot of opportunities to go on trips, or hangout with friends, or change the direction of my life. This dating relationship worked just like a marriage to be honest. We did this so the transition of marriage would be a relatively simple one. We spent a great deal of time together, and we both sacrificed going places with other people, to spend it with each other. We followed all the Christian devotionals, did everything church goers with successful marriages recommended. We prayed together. However we both wanted something more, to live life.

I get irritated when people ask me if I have found that special person yet. It is the most stupid question I seem to be bombarded with. I am 24! Is it so wrong to want to be able to live my life before I settle down? What is wrong with being able to date around; experience new people, have fun without commitment? What is wrong with spending time with friends, without having to worry about anyone else to be accountable to? Going on road trips, doing things just because, things you would not be able to do while married. Why do you want to waste some of the best years of your life because other people are doing it? Seems like it would be smarter to enjoy life while you have the opportunity and wait for that special someone. Why should I give up my opportunity to live life in the way I want to, and settle down with someone, if the one I truly like does not like me in that way. I am not rushing into anything, else I miss the real opportunity.

Allow me the opportunity to rant a little bit about social media. I get tired of seeing all these relationships, engagements, marriages, and baby pictures. So many people I know rushed into the whole marriage institution. Listen, I am happy for them; if that is what they wanted. However, it is my hope that this works out for them, but if you look at the divorce rates, the numbers are not good for our generation. I feel like this can be attributed to the fact of people rushing into marriage. Facebook is a bad influence on this. Think about it; how many times have you sat at your computer, or on your phone browsing and BOOM! There it is, all those pictures there in your face. Making you feel like you need what they have. You need a relationship, you need to be engaged, you need to be married, and you need a kid/family. That's the type of pressure I am talking about. It causes you to rush into things, and ultimately can make you make one of the biggest mistakes in your life. But then again, there is the chance it works out, but how likely is that? Who knows if you are really ready for a major commitment. Social media raises the stakes. You friends and family raise the stakes. Do not be misguided, or forced into feeling as if you need to follow suit. Enjoy your life while you can, before you make the commitment to share it with someone else. That is how I feel about it currently.

Don't take my words at my word. Experience life; live it yourself. Go for it. I have always questioned what people said to me, and you have the option to do the same. I write from experiences, and from what I think is right. But I am only human. We all are. If I made you mad or insulted you, I am not sorry. You had the opportunity to close the link any time you wanted. Don't waste your time arguing with me, you will not change my opinion. Maybe you find this helpful, and if that is the case, I am glad.