My complicated Life

You know, I have been pondering life lately. Really examining myself. Really it's been about a lot of general things, but there has been deep thinking involved. For the record I am super blessed. Sometimes I loose site of that. I may not have everything that the world values, but I have what I value the most. I have so durn good friends, and a great group of frat brothers. I am ready to take a step forward, into what I am not exactly sure, but I know that God has some big plans for me. For some reason though my spirit has been down lately, it has not been this way for a while, so I am struggling with breaking loose of that. Usually I do not vent here, but this is a time when I really need too, I just have to get some things off of my chest. I want whoever reads this to know that I am not perfect, that my life is not perfect, and that I do make questionable decisions, and that I do have struggles. I have lived a life where I have hid this stuff behind my smile, I seems like it is so comforting for me to do this. I think I have been in a state of depression, and just refused to deal with it. But now is the time to deal with it. I don't need to put that in the back burner, but I need to address it. I will address it by buckling down in my prayer life. I am making a commitment to read the Word more. I need to get back to doing that stuff. it gets neglected because of my "busy" schedule. So I apologize to anyone who has not thought that I have been myself lately, this is why.

Love you guys

Big Ron

The Missing Part of Me

I have been struggling lately. Struggling to keep a smile on my face. I feel like a part of me is missing. Honestly it has been missing for a while, but I don't know what it is. Sometimes I just want to sleep the days a way. I want everything to be normal for once...but I realize that I don't have a normal life. I really want that spark that I have been missing; that zing that makes Big Ron who I am. I understand that it may take a little time to find that, but I really hope I find it soon. I know people can tell that something is different, and that I only because I made a decision this year to not hide behind my smile. It is definitely a tough thing to follow through with. But I am not going to give up on it.

I have not mentioned how great of a group of friends I have here at CSU. I have def. had some special nights, things I will never forget. It is nice to have friends who have helped me too get through a tough part of my life. I have had some great nights on the beach, fun times at a friends house, and for the first time being here at CSU I actually have a reason to stay on weekends. Never a dull moment between us. Thanks friends...you know who you are :)

Love you guys,

Big Ron