The Struggle

Okay, 

So basically I have been struggling this past 2 weeks or so with this transfer I could be making. Honestly this is the hardest decison that I have ever had to make. What makes it even harder is the fact that I have no dad, and my Grandfather passed away in July. You need to have a male to help you in a time like this. I promise myself that I will never leave my kids, when I have them, no matter what it takes. But let me say this, without my friends, I would be nothing. They keep me going, but when I tell them this, I honestly do not believe that they understand it in the magnitude that I believe it in. Some of them don't realize it, but I turn to them with things that I would turn to a father figure with, so in a way the stand in place of that. Many times I ponder about why it had to be this way, sometimes I feel like an answer is given to me, but others it just seems like I don't know what to think. I think it goes back to my calling. My dad had to be removed because it would keep me from reaching the level i needed to be at with the passing of my grandfather. But on the flip side my grandfather was here long enough to shape me into the man i was supposed to be. Spiritually he prepared me, as well as mentally. It hurt watching him go through so much pain, but he had to be here long enough for that to happen; it was God's plan for him to remain with me as long as he did. I could tell it at graduation, I saw that look of him having "won his race". But still, it would be nice for him to be here to help me with this, but I believe this is the moment when I have to trust God more than my own intuition. Either way, I am going to get to where God wants me to be, but it just depends on the paths that I take to get there, to determine how long it will take. 

I often find it weird that my best friends happen to be ones who are not religious. It makes me wonder. Maybe its that I see so much of myself in them, and that is why they are my friends. This will probably be my next blog topic so tune in next time!

thanks for taking time to read it,

Big Ron